I was actually at Extreme Rules, so for once, I am very, very excited to cover Monday Night Raw. We have a new number one contender for Brock Lesnar‘s WWE Universal Championship, and it’s totally who I said it would be. We also have new Raw Tag Team Champions! What’s next for the Hardy Boys? How will Bayley respond to being squashed by someone who is only five feet tall? Only one way to find out, here, in the Monday Night Raw Review: Extreme Fallout.
Monday Night Raw Review: Extreme Fallout
Bray Wyatt vs. Roman Reigns
The show opened with the star of last night’s match, Bray Wyatt. They had advertised a match between Wyatt and Roman Reigns, so I kinda hoped we’d start the show with a match, but we got a promo from Wyatt instead. He was lamenting his loss at Extreme Rules, and he promised that he’d get revenge on every man from the fatal fiveway, starting with Roman Reigns. Wyatt had just started his promo on Reigns when the
Lex Express Samoan Superman came out.
The match started off quickly, with Bray attempting Sister Abigail and Reigns trying to hit the Superman Punch. It felt like Roman was winning the crowd over there for a while, but lately, the crowds have been very vocal about their distaste for him. Last night at Extreme Rules, the crowd was booing him literally every time he got in the ring.
Guess how this match ended. If you guessed with Reigns no selling a move before hitting a spear, you’d be correct. I just can’t figure out why Raw’s ratings are historically bad…
The Drifter, the Lunatic, and the A Lister
Elias Sampson has yet another concert for us as we approached the second hour of the show. His song began to target one Dean Ambrose, who apparently didn’t appreciate the jam. Ambrose attacked and quickly disposed of the drifter before demanding a rematch for his Intercontinental Championship. The Miz responded via the titantron that there wouldn’t be a rematch, but a title celebration.
It was at this point that the drifter re-emerged, attacking the Lunatic.
Samoa Joe stormed down to the ring, and he didn’t look like someone that just won a number one contender’s match. Imagine a world where Bobby Roode is NXT Champion, AJ Styles is WWE Champion, and Samoa Joe is Universal Champion. It’s not so far-fetched. Dixie Carter, you really, really blew it.
Joe started his promo by announcing that he doesn’t fear Brock Lesnar. He said he didn’t fear Lesnar because he’s envious of the beast. The submission specialist said that he was envious of everything that Lesnar had, and that he wanted to take it from him. Joe wanted Lesnar’s schedule, his ability to instill fear, he wanted to be a Paul Heyman guy, and he wanted Lesnar’s championship belt.
This is when Paul Heyman, the advocate for the REIGNING,
DEFENDING, UNDISPUTED UNIVERSAL CHAMPION, BROOOCCKKKKK LESNARRR, came out. He did a fantastic job of putting Samoa Joe over, and making it seem like Joe had a chance, while still speaking of Lesnar like he was an unbeatable monster.
There was a cool part where they both dropped mics, and Joe pushed Paul into the corner, and he began threatening Heyman, but it was in a hushed voice. Joe walked Paul through how he was about to choke him out, and how he wanted to carry the message to Lesnar, and then he put him in the coquina clutch. Heyman passed out pretty quickly, and suddenly I’m ready for… great balls of fire.
Rhyno and Heath Slater vs. Sheasaro
The NEWWWWW Raw Tag Team Champions took on Rhyno and Heath Slater, who if we’re being completely honest, I forgot were on Raw. Sheamus and Cesaro pretty much ate the first ever SmackDown Tag Team Champions alive.
The duo cut a quick promo about how they were setting the bar, annnnd that was about it. Okay then.
TJP vs. Mustafa Ali
This match could actually be really good, but for all the reasons we’ve already discussed, it won’t feel like it. Isn’t it kinda funny that TJP didn’t really change anything, but he’s been a great heel? He was doing all the dabbing stuff before the turn even happened.
Anyway, both of these guys are a ton of fun. Mustafa Ali hit a crazy diving DDT, but TJP won with a Detonation Kick, before dabbing. Is he Neville‘s next challenger?
Apparently so, because as TJP was making his way to the back, Neville’s pyro went off, scaring the living hell out of me. The King of the Cruiserweights approached his protege with a microphone, claiming that he spoke to Kurt Angle, and that he had unfortunate news.
Neville attacked TJP from behind, slamming his head into the ramp. Neville then told TJP that he’d get his shot at Neville’s title on 205 Live tomorrow night.
Kalisto vs. Titus O’Neil w/Apollo Crews
“Titus might be crunk, but I’m lit tonight” -Michael Cole. Wow. Just wow. No wonder business is down 20%, good lord.
This match was only about two minutes long, but Kalisto was able to steal a win by grabbing the tights after Titus attempted to do the same. Kalisto holds wins over Braun Strowman, Apollo Crews, and now Titus O’Neil… Why isn’t he the number one contender for Neville’s title again?
Maryse welcomed Miz to the ring, where she had balloons, wine, and someone in a bear suit that is almost definitely Dean Ambrose. Like, honestly, I’m enjoying it, but c’mon. Why else even have the bear there?
Miz was gloating about his victory and thanking his beautiful wife for the champagne, the balloons, and the bear, when they realized… neither of them ordered the bear. Quickly, Miz attacked the bear, only to reveal it wasn’t Dean Ambrose.
Then, they rolled a giant present down to the ring, and suspiciously, Miz began attacking it with a steel chair before spearing it and dropping an elbow on it. Maryse desperately tried to stop him, because it was a grandfather clock she made for him. She pushed him and ran to back, leaving Miz alone in with the broken clock.
Miz was desperately calling for Ambrose, only to realize, too late, that the cameraman was actually Ambrose in disguise. The Lunatic hit Dirty Deeds, and this is the best segment in the history of the new format.
Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson vs. Enzo Amore and ???
Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson took on Enzo Amore by himself this week because surprisingly, someone attacked Big Cass. Who was Enzo’s partner? The Big Show! I totally thought Show retired, but I guess not. Enzo tried to loosen Show up by doing his little gimmick, and while Show fought it at first, he busted out a terrible New York accident and played along.
Gallows, who really has to wish he was still in New Japan, started the match with a big boot to Enzo’s face before taggin Karl Anderson in. Show got the hot tag in, absolutely destroyed Karl Anderson, and then tossed Enzo onto the first Gaijin to reach the G1 finals for the win. Very sad.
Nia Jax vs. Alexa Bliss
Welp. Barring shenanigans, this will be the match that sees Nia Jax become Women’s Champion. R.I.P. Alexa Bliss, just know that I always loved you. It just dawned on me that this angle and the angle with Neville and TJP are exactly the same… womp womp womp.
As the match started, Mickie James and Dana Brooke made their way down to the ring. Jax started literally throwing Bliss around the ring, and honestly, Jax just isn’t good enough to be doing dangerous moves like that. Remember when she almost killed Charlotte?
After Jax threw Bliss out of of the ring, James and Brooke got in her way. After a quick moment to think, Bliss attacked the duo, causing them to attack her back, ending the match in a disqualification. Jax tried to get revenge but Bliss escaped, so instead she destroyed James and Brooke. Clever girl.
Seth Rollins vs. Samoa Joe
Gonna be so annoyed if they do the Bray Wyatt interference thing.
— Ryan (@RyanSmithLWOS) June 6, 2017
Have you seen this match before? Have ya? Huh? Sigh. Maybe this will be the last time these two face off for a while. I just don’t care about it anymore.
In any event, it was still a solid match. I just wish it wasn’t a solid match we’ve seen 100 times over the last five months. Seth Rollins should be the face of the red brand, and instead he’s just kinda lost. He’s marketable to both the hardcore and casual fans, but instead he’s booked into apathy. He should be red hot after beating Triple H, but honestly, it feels like the win means nothing.
In any event, the lights went out and Bray Wyatt’s titantron played on the screen just long enough to distract Seth Rollins enough to get caught in the coquina clutch, giving Joe the win.
Star Count- 18/50 Total Possible Stars (36%)
Actually, yes. It was a really easy show to watch. It flowed well, and it didn’t seem like it ever slowed down. If you like WWE television, give this show a watch on Hulu, YouTube, or whatever boats your float. The star percentage doesn’t always tell the whole story, and this show proves that.